Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Some ALL NEW MARVEL NOW reviews

IRON PATRIOT #1: We begin with Rhodes, in the middle of somewhere, with a mysterious and apparently armored opponent standing over him. Obviously wounded, maybe even dying, he apologizes. With that, we go back two days earlier. Rhodes is testing his Iron Patriot armor, followed by a dining room conversation between he and his father. His father is concerned about Rhodes not being all about the family, having already lost a daughter and afraid he’ll lose tough with her daughter Lila too. But she’s been hard at work doing upgrades to his Iron Patriot armor. The next day, he calls a press conference where he announces that his involvement has gone from Special ops to military operations only on American soil and rescue mission. In response, Lila posts a video condemning critics and it goes viral. It also brings her to the attention of someone who is convinced she needs to be handled “before the media arrive:. At the moment, Iron Patriot is dealing with a crisis in the Gulf of Mexico where he is battling creatures that have been attacking oil rigs and ships. In the middle of the battle, his armor stops working. Suspecting sabotage, he sinks under the sea and realizes that the armor is beginning to leak.

He was once Iron Man. He was once War Machine. Now he is Iron Patriot and Marvel, as part of their ALL-NEW MARVEL NOW! Program, presents James Rhodes as IRON PATRIOT. This first issue did absolutely nothing for me. I have never been a huge fan of Rhodes as, depending on who was writing him, he comes off as somewhere between The Falcon, Steel and Luge Cage. We all know he is African American, but writers’ try way too hard to prove that to us. I remember early Luge Cage when he did all but talk jive! Actually, I think he DID talk jive before he was a transformed. But here we have his niece being Steel’s niece as she tweaks things regarding his armor and such. Yeah…I have seen this before in a completely different universe. I usually like Ales Kot’s writing and love what he is doing on SECRET AVENGERS. But this one just doesn’t grab me at all. And Garry Brown’s very minimalistic art, which is all the rage now after the success of HAWKEYE, leaves me cold. All in all, I don’t know what happens that causes the opening of the issue because I didn’t give this a chance to even be around in my stacks for a second issue. 

ELEKTRA #1: After a bloody battle with The Hand, Elektra ends up at The Matchmaker, in search of a contract. The Matchmaker is the woman responsible for issuing many contracts to the assassins of the Marvel Universe. The contract she gives out is for Cape Crow. Crow once went as far as killing other assassins and stealing their contracts. This upset the Assassin’s Guild who went after him. He took them apart and went into hiding. Now someone has offered an obscene amount of money to find Cape Crow and bring him back alive. But someone else is on the hunt. Someone who is nicknamed Bloody Lips by “the serpent” has broken into a secret S.H.I.E.L.D. facility and found Bullseye. Bloody Lips tells the master assassin, now incapacitated, that he needs a piece of him before he can find and eat Cape Crow. Meanwhile, Elektra skydives onto the place that supposedly houses Cape Crow’s safe house. That place is Monster Island.

W. Haden Blackman is one of my favorite writers and I love what Micahel Del Mundo is doing with his painted art. But this book just didn’t grab me. The dialogue is great and the art is a step out of the ordinary. But there is something missing in this book that makes it feel…empty. Maybe I have just seen Elektra in too many ways, including a stint in the Thunderbolts that left me really uncaring about her character. There are too many blank spots in the first issue’s plot. Who is This Matchmaker, dressed in her best apparel from the days of the flappers, that we see for what I believe is the first time. And Cape Crow? What the hell is a Cape Crow and why does he have such a lame looking costume? The bight spot here: MONSTER ISLAND. But even that tease isn’t enough to get me coming back for more. Sorry gang!

NEW WARRIORS #1: The book begins with what looks to be the death of members of The Zodiac From there, we are right into a battle between Justice and Speedball as they fight  the Salem Seven. It is also a major misunderstanding as Justice and Speedball were just passing through the town when the town’s guardians got involved. They eventually all see the mistake they made and Robbie and Vance make friends with the town’s guardians. Vertigo and Vance go for ice cream and get attacked by three armored beings they refer to as “half breed mutants” that need to burn. Meanwhile, in Mexico, Scarlet Spider and Hummingbird save some tourists. Kaine insists the rescued folks go back home and get out of Mexico. Later, resting on the beach, the pair notice bodies in the water followed by the arrival of  Faira Sar Namora of Atlantis and she is looking for heroes. In New York City, Sun Girl stops a crook trying to rob an armored car but is too late to get to a disturbance at Grand Central Terminal. When she goes into the terminal to help, she is greeted by  the same type of armored beings that appeared in New Salem. In Albuqueque, Nova is battling an alien with the ability to shape shift when three armored arrive and threaten to burn it all. Before they do, the high Evolutionary arrives and announces that these creatures are Evolutionaries and they have just captured a Nova.
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I am so sorry. The epic team I knew as the new Warriors ended following the events in Stanford Connecticut and the Civil War that followed. Chris Yost writes a fun tale and I love marcus To’s art, but I have no real connection to these characters. The Vance Astro I known and love was in the original Guardians of the Galaxy. Speedball was once an innocent character who suffered major changes after his time in prison. Sam Alexander is NOT MY NOVA and didn’t like his origin story, so I dropped his title after issue #1. The Scarlet Spider no longer has a book, so he needs to end up somewhere and who the heck is hummingbird and Sun Girl? These are all third rate heroes who needed to be put together to make a new team book. There are enough lame team book out there without this one in my library.

CAPTAIN MARVEL #1: Captain Marvel and her team from the Galactic Alliance are on the Maniacano Outpost where they encounter some trouble in the street market. Flashback six weeks as she and Iron Patriot intercept a capsule with a green alien in it. Later, in her home inside the top of the Statue of Liberty, Carol Danvers sends her friend’s daughter Kit back to bed before having a deep conversation with Iron Man, which results in her being asked to be part of the Avengers formal presence in space. He arranges for her friend Kit to take a ride in a jet before a special birthday party thrown in her honor. Later, she and Rhodey share a moment before she tells him she is leaving for a year. She asks him to feed her cat while she is gone. And off she goes.

Kelly Sue Deconnick strikes again with this truly awful book. I like Carol Danvers character, but absolutely hated the first issue of the last incarnation of this character. I specifically remember a reference to balls that just caused me to put the book down and never look back. Well, I don’t now how the rest of the run went, but this one slides down the same hole. The story is hearts and flowers and no action to speak of and the dialogue is really canned. I don’t believe a single thing any of these characters are saying. The art from David Lopes Lopez is nice, but certainly can’t save this stinker.

BLACK WIDOW #1: Natasha Romanov is in Berlin where she is pursuing a target known as Yuri. She tells him her back-story and promises him to get him out of the mess he is in. At the conclusion of her tale, she dumps him out the window, saying that no one will ever know her full true story. Two days later, she accepts a new job from a man named Isaiah. Three days later, she is in Dubai, doing the job she had been assigned. The book ends with her asking the question of herself regarding how many more missions must she do.

What? What did I just read? What did I just waste three bucks on? Well, Phil Noto’s painted art is cool. Thus ends the good things. Nathan Edmondson’s story is a mess filled with lame dialogue and big plot holes. Sure, I understand that we want there to be mystery. But I also want enough to keep be interest and come back next issue. I found none of that here. It seems that the Black Widow has become the female version of Deathstroke and we don’t need another one of those.

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