Friendship is a weird thing. We go through our lives making friends and losing them. Early on, we think our closest friends will be those who will be with us forever. I have learned, over my 51 years on this planet, that is not the case. Good friends seem to move through my life every few years. They don’t go away because of anything I have done, at least not to my knowledge. They just go away because we move on. I had a science teacher in high school who explain it this way: you begin as atoms and cluster together. Then you move on, join up with other atoms and bond for a time. Then you break apart and the process repeats.
I never knew how true that was until a few years ago.
When I first went to school, my best friend was this kid named David. He was probably best described as the poster child for what we would now call Hyper Activity Attention Deficit Disorder. He wouldn’t go down for naps, attacked the teachers, ran around constantly and was totally disruptive to the surroundings. He was crazy and I will always have the memory of his constant antics. I haven’t seen him since I was five years old and, in hindsight, wouldn’t refer to him as a friend. He was just someone passing through my life.
First grade meant a new school and new students. My best friend during those first three years was a guy named Phil. Phil was also a bit hyper, but he was cool to hang with because we were both geeks. First time I ever cried at school is because we were playing like we were monsters during recess and the teacher though we were fighting and sent us to the principal’s office. It took a lot of explaining on our part to convince her that we were just acting out. Phil was with me all through high school, although we ended up hanging with different crowds. Nice thing was that Phil became hard and tough and physically fit and was not someone you messed around with. But it was nice to have him watching your back if you needed to. I still run into Phil, usually once a year or so, and he is still kind and compassionate towards me. And it’s still nice to know that, even after all these years, he would probably still have my back if I needed him to.
The second half of elementary school meant another school, due to a district change and a new friend. Bob lived two blocks away from me but, until we got in the same class, never crossed paths. One of my closest friends through high school, we hung out together, did the concert thing together, partied together and suffered through sport team disasters and relationship problems together. We traded baseball cards, talked about girls and experienced some legendary musical acts for the first time together. We thought nothing would tear us apart.
But the end of college meant the end of hanging around. He had his job and interests and I had mine. We recently reconnected on a social networking site. He has his job and his family and a new set of friends, although we both do occasionally reminisce about those high school years and the fun we had.
College meant a completely different group of friends, mostly those I shared classes with or spent time on the college newspaper and radio station with. But four years and a degree meant moving on in our lives. With the exception of a few of them, many of whom I have reconnected with in the last year or so, they have become the stuff of memory-not the lifelong acquaintances we all promised to be.
Post college, my friends became my co-workers. They were the people you spent half of your days working with and the other half just hanging out with. My buddy Gerry and I shared an interest in professional wrestling and worked on designing our own HO train layout. Most of those buildings ended up at his place, where the layout was planned and started. I haven’t been there in over 20 years, although we occasionally bump into each other. His life and his interests are no longer a part of mine. His job took him away from my job and it seems that once someone leaves your life, they sometimes never come back.
Then I ended up in a band and played that role for close to three years. Days, nights, weekends were spent at my friend Randy’s house as we plotted on how to conquer the world with our music. The commitment became too much for me and I opted out rather than hold the group back. While the friendship never ended and has recently been rekindled as strong as ever, we lost touch for over two decades as we pursued other things. Me: I pursued a wife and she became my friend.
Along this time, with one interest ending and another beginning, I became friends with Mark and Mike. Together, along with some other talented and energetic individuals, we began a publication dedicated to our common love of comics. THE PODIUM ran monthly for over five years. It never missed a deadline and was never late. It went to comic fans near and fan and many comic professionals who I held to the highest of pedestals, became my readers. Mark and Mike have since gotten married and, while Mark pops in and out of my life every now and then, Mike has been a constant. Until recently, when the pressures of family and job have made him a stranger to me and my family to his. But, we're it not for them, THE PODIUM would never have gotten off the ground and I would never have met so many people with whom that publication made a difference.
One of the staff became my best friend. We designed projects together, worked on special issues, discussed content and spent a hell of a lot of time together. But an editorial decision on my part, and after all, I was PAYING for all of this, resulted in his getting miffed and writing a scathing letter where I was referred to as God in the most derogatory of manners. Flustered but not defeated, I never responded, choosing to run the letter in the publication for the world to see how angry he was. Critics questioned my decision but ultimately the remaining staff was left standing through it all and the publication which ceased printed existence when it became too much of a burden, continued online at it’s own web site until AOL shut down their hometown pages in October of 2008. I still feel it stands as a testament to going out and doing what you love.
While this was going on, I hooked up with the editor of a book called TAPESTRY. Steve and I talked comics and decided to do something good for the industry. At his suggestion, we spent six months pouring all of our energy into organizing the First Ever Massachusetts Literary Exposition. Letters, phone calls and such were put into place in anticipation of the fund raiser for the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. We gathered auction items, booked hotel rooms, confirmed guest lists, deigned posters and hyped the heck out of the event. We did the best job we could and, with help of one of the gurus of the industry, raised over $1,200 for the cause. Within a year or two, Steve was married. I shot his wedding and really haven’t seen or heard from him since.
I say shot because, in 1992, I became involved with one of my high school friends who had started his own video business. In 1996, he coerced me into working with him and for over 10 years we did shoots together, planned on how we would take over the world, hung out with some really cool musicians and even wrote a movie screenplay together. But my family responsibilities became intense and his business structure changed, as did my work responsibilities making it nearly impossible to maintain the pace I used to. up until last weekend, we saw each other last when I picked up a dvd he produced for me. Does this mean we are no longer friends? No, it just means our atoms are flying in different directions.
I have said in past blogs how I am blessed to have some great online friends who I have met through MySpace and Facebook. But many of them have fallen by the wayside as of late because of things in their lives going on. And I miss them. So, if you’re reading this, come back. I’m starting to get a complex and think it must be me.
What I guess it all boils down to is that my best friend in my life right now is my oldest daughter. She and I share so much together and I know, that once she hits puberty and develops a group of friend that I have little control over, I will lose that bond. And that is slowly starting to happen. As I write this, she is up in her room, eating dinner and probably playing WIZARD 101 online with whoever. For now, we laugh, cry and pal around like my dad and I used to do. Not that we have fallen out of favor. He and I still get together and do stuff. It just that the world moves way too fast and sometimes you get caught up in the motion of it all. Yeah, I love my kids more than anything but I have always told my oldest that she will always be my favorite no matter what. I hope she never lets me down and that we have that bond until I die. My little one is slowly creeping into that position, as the world of superheroes still enthralls her and gives us a common ground. She's my cuddle bunny and her smile always cheers me up.
So make friends and hold them as near as you feel the need to. Just remember it is all about family when it is all done.
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